You Have to Learn to Master Your Emotions

by;  Velinda Peyton

I have written about the power of emotional intelligence before, but it bears repeating.

What would like be like without emotions? 

The emotions of love, happiness, kindness, inspiration, faith, gratitude, positivity, etc…what would life be like if we were not able to experience all the bliss of these emotions?  Emotions are what make us human. Emotions guide us, inspire us and allow us to feel what we most cherish in life. 

However, you have to learn to master your emotions. 

Emotions are more of a determinant of success in every area of life than is intelligence according to Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence.  Emotions are powerful but they are not always true. Therefore, it is especially important to master the negative emotions (listed below) as they can destroy your life.  Even positive emotions should be controlled somewhat if they are mixed with denial or fantasy.

What are some ways to control negative emotions?  Start by challenging and analyzing the emotion you are feeling.  Ask, “Is the really true or am I just on a downward roller-coaster ride of self-pity”?  Usually this alone can elevate your mood as you are dealing more with reality than your emotions.  Usually our negative emotions get the best of us and we start imagining all kinds of doomsday scenarios that will never happen.  Just because something happens to you in your life that is disappointing or negative doesn’t mean that it will last or that all the good in life is over for you.  As I wrote in my book, This River Called Life, A Letter to my Children, rejection is just redirection.  Move on after disappointments and make your life better knowing that it is meant to be for a reason you don’t yet understand.

Dr. Phil McGraw calls challenging your emotions or your situation the Authentically Accurate Alternative where you ask yourself questions like, is this true, or does thinking like this benefit me?  Again by analyzing your feelings or situation and coming to a more authentic reality of how you feel or what is happening can alone bring solutions and some peace of mind.  

Something else to understand about the disappointments that are a part of everyone’s life, is that the people who move on the easiest and get back into life after disappointment or tragedy soonest, are the ones who are resilient.  Resilience depends on your ability to accurately assess a situation, accept it for what it is and then allow yourself to move on.  Resilience also depends on your ability to think rationally and positively knowing that there are reasons for everything.  Part of resilience is being able to master emotions so they don’t hold you hostage in your past. Always, the best solution is to remember that your dreams and life is important, no matter what happened.  Develop the attitude that you are not going to let anything negative get in the way of what you deserve.  Continue to move on having faith and thinking positively that everything will work out.  This is why I constantly promote the magic of positive thinking.

I can’t emphasize enough that mastering your emotions is crucial to life.  Think of all the stories you have heard about people who acted out of rage or anger and hurt or killed someone they love.  Now they are sitting in jail and the person they love is gone.  These momentary outbursts are not worth it.  If life or a relationship has come to that point, then it’s likely time to leave and find a new relationship or a new life without the toxicity of what is causing you to be so angry. 

And a word about mood disorders and depression.  Many people suffer from mood disorders such as Bi-Polar Disorder and don’t even know it.  Depression and mood imbalances are treatable with medication, education and behavioral modification.  If you feel you are abnormally depressed or depressed for too long, seek help.  Life is so much better and problems so much more tolerable when mood imbalances are helped with medication and behavioral modification.  You owe it to yourself to make sure you are not suffering needlessly from these issues when there is help.